Happiness is Homemade rough draft

 

The most important thing I have learned is that I must not always please other people but I need to please myself. (Of course this is an ongoing life lesson) My family is very out spoken, so they are not afraid to tell me what they think I should do, or should not do. I am the youngest of four girls, and of course being the youngest I looked up to my older sisters and cared so much about their opinion of me. They had always "bossed me around" and I was just so used to it. Following my mom’s lead I would have to call my family realists. It is a good quality that people should have I admit, but sometimes they only see one way and get “tunnel vision” as I call it and don’t always see anyone else’s way. For example, towards the end of high school I wanted to be a teacher, I have always wanted a job where I could personally and positively impact the lives of others. I have had some really great teachers that I looked up to and helped me believe in myself. I had explained to my mom why I wanted to do this, but all she saw was the salary of teachers and the budget cuts going on at different schools. Of course being me I respected her opinion but was also frustrated because I didn’t know what to do. As a result I got a job as a server and just lived day to day with no plan for the future. Both of my parents work at the Shipyard and told me they are hiring and could get me a job. I explained to them I did not want to work there, and wanted something different for myself. 
 

As the economy took a dive, so did my tips as a waitress. Reality did set in that I needed a job with consistent hours and a paycheck I knew was coming.  So, in desperation I accepted getting a job in the shipyard but I told myself that it would just be a stepping stone to something better in my life. I was scared and excited starting at the shipyard. Being positive, I thought wow this is a place where people make good money to support their families with benefits and retirement. I thought “real mature adults” work here not just young adults bouncing around to different jobs.  I won’t forget the guy who showed us new hires around for a week before we were placed on a project. We were walking around the shipyard looking at everyone working with their hardhats on (I would be ok never having to wear a hardhat again!) and he said “these people make some of the best money in Kitsap county, they walk around pissed off all day, and I’ll never understand it.” I should have told my mom about that “reality."

          After the first year in the shipyard I got the hang of what I was supposed to do as a Rigger. We moved anything and everything for other shops while working on aircraft carriers and submarines. It is actually one of the more manly jobs in there. Almost every day was a battle being a woman working around all of those men. They always reminded you that you’re a woman that cannot contribute as much as a man can. The real battle was not letting it get to you, and not showing them that you care at all. If they see that something bothers you they will bring it up constantly. It seemed things would be best to just keep to myself and work as hard as I could. Unfortunately I am a social, people person and keeping to myself made me very unhappy. Don’t get me wrong there were some very good guys that I met and became friends with while working there, but unfortunately the bad was definitely outweighing the good.
                           
                             
                           This was what I did at the shipyard, rain or shine!

 

           At one point I looked into AmeriCorps, an opportunity to do some good in this world while figuring out what I wanted to do. I had filled everything out including references and letters of recommendation. I called my mom and told her I wanted to quit the shipyard and join them. She told me it was not a good idea and she did not support me. I don't however like to dwell on the past so I know now I wouldn't have met my husband in the shipyard if I had left that early. Therefore I stayed and told myself I could just find a different job within the shipyard that could possibly make me happy. I thought this is a so called "stable" job that has benefits for my future family. (I say this because the government is currently shut down and people that didn’t get furloughed are working for no paycheck until an agreement has been made.) So I should just stick it out. I told myself “not everyone likes their job.” I should know I heard people complain on a regular basis about their jobs. Then there were rumors going around that helper employees would be laid off for months because of a budget cut. Instead of being upset and freaking out I found that the thought of not working there made me happy. After it was all said and done they didn't end up laying anyone but two people off.

 

Something had clicked inside of me and it was obvious what I needed to do. I just thought if I hate working here and want to go home at night to complain about it; ultimately I will look back in ten years and regret staying there. Every morning that I woke up went to work and came home was just me going through the motions; I didn’t care or have any passion for what I was doing. Having no passion about what I’m doing is not living my life, and a waste of my time. This is my life and I am the only one that can control what I do and what I don't do. So at the end of the day, regardless of what I do or don't do I have to realize that it is in MY control.  So for the first time it felt good not caring about what anyone else thought or said. I knew in my heart I was doing what was right for me.
I am now going to college and doing my pre requisites for Physical Therapy Assistant. I may change my mind but that's ok as long as I'm happy doing it!